K.S. ANTHONY: 09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013

16 September 2013

Knowing


You will look into her eyes one night and watch the future crystallize in their azure depth. Walk towards the darkness and the moon will part the clouds to light your path, there among the climbing ivy, there among the sleeping roses. You will know then.

How is it that she can make you feel this thing that no one else ever has? How is it that you can discover a new feeling like scientists discover a new element or star? How is it that what you thought was love before was something somehow less than this, something less urgent, less giving, less consuming, less dazzling? How long did you wait for this heart that receives like the ocean does the river and pours back nourishing rain? How many false starts? How many pyrites? How many words written on the wind or the water?

All you know is what you know now. 

You will know the ache of tears in your eyes and salt on your cheeks. You will learn to read her slightest look and you will be an open book to her. You will know when it’s her message on your phone and when she is two blocks away, driving up. You will know her by the trace of perfume on your pillow slips and the lipstick stains on her coffee mug left by the sink, drunk to the dregs.

She will know you by the pause in your voice, by the softness that comes over your face when you come home, exhausted and see her. She will look at you one night and she will trust you with all of her honor, all of her goodness, all of her heart, and all of her love. Do not mistake hesitance for fickleness: she has known hurt. She has known betrayal. She has known false starts and pyrite promises and empty words. Do not reassure her with words. Win her affections anew, daily. Let your life be a work of art entirely for her. Let every action prove your love. Never forget you are what she chose: the specific over the general. Rest in familiarity, but let your heart be ever restless, longing, aching for her. She will know that you are true. She will know she’s chosen well. You will not disappoint her.

This is all you wanted. To know. To be known.

All you know is what I know now.

And what we know now is love.